Sacred Sounds of Spring

Fuelled by a multiple chocolate rabbit gorgefest (because the yummy buggers are 50% off today), the Loyal Fan, the Wise Analyst and the Shit Disturber (guess who?) have at it over that most sacred and profound spring subjects – NHL hockey playoffs!

Loyal Fan: *pops open a brewsky* So, I’m calling it Canucks in 6 or 7. What do you two think?

Wise Analyst: Dallas is hot right now, and they have some good veteran leadership. They’ll give our boys a challenge. But our special teams and goaltending will edge them out. Canucks in 7.

Shit Disturber: I dunno. Luongo’s untried, Turco’s an old hand at this and the Stars like to get down and dirty in the neutral zone which isn’t how our boys usually like it. I say Stars in 6 or 7.

Loyal Fan: PPBBBBTTTT!!! *beer spews everywhere* [BLEEEEEP!] What?! No [BLEEP]ing way! Turco SUX! He’s King of the post-season choke!

Wise Analyst: Well yes, there is that to consider. I think we might see Luongo struggle to get his playoff legs underneath him. He might even lose a game. But he’ll prevail in the end.

Shit Disturber: *chomps the ears off a chocolate bunny, chewing furiously* True, true. But how do we know Luongo won’t choke? Sure, he’s hungry but does he have a mental game? The playoffs are a totally different beast y'know...

Wise Analyst: *sniffs disdainfully* Come, come Shit Disturber. Luongo has bagged 48 games and an MVP nomination. That’s not going to disappear overnight before the puck drops on Game one.

Shit Disturber: *muttering* ...or so you hope...

Wise Analyst: *glares* Besides, we have the Sedins, Cooke, Burrows, Cowan and Linden to deliver a pounding to the aging Stars.

Shit Disturber: Well, sure, the Ugly Twins [TM] are physically as strong as they’ve ever been and the ‘Nucks have the advantage as far as youth and physical conditioning are concerned.

Loyal Fan: Damn straight! [BURPS]

Shit Disturber: *bangs chocolate rabbit on table to make a point* But are they tough enough to mentally survive the old coots grinding away on them? Wait… that sounded vaguely perverted…

Loyal Fan: *crushes empty beer can* Yo, Shitty Cent! Luongo = World Cup AND Memorial Cup champion, you asshat. *bounces beer can off Shit Disturber's face* Who let you on this bandwagon anyways?

Shit Disturber: WHAT?!

Wise Analyst: Now there’s no need for name calling…

Shit Disturber: Seriously, did you just throw down, punk ass?

Loyal Fan: WOOooooooo! I’m sooo scaaaaared!

Shit Disturber: That does it! The gloves are off, pansy! You and me, after school! Three o’clock, by the tetherball pole. And no open handed slapping allowed! *sticks out chocolatey tongue*

Loyal Fan: *rude gesture* Bring it on, bitch!

Wise Analyst: Wait…this is not how a civilized society resolves its conflicts!

As birdsong echoes melodiously in the background, and the earth unfurls it's new leaf green robe to the sun, we exit to the traditional spring sounds of flesh smacking on plexiglass and men weeping unabashedly as they exit to the golf course...